The Last Goodbye…

I said goodbye to a friend the other day.  Grief overcame me in waves as we picked and prepared a spot for him to be buried.  We chose a spot next to the new fence we had recently put up, and just a few feet from the fire pit.  Having him close was important to me, and I was determined to make the spot beautiful, with a large stone to mark his grave, with some new plants and perhaps some mulch.  I was far too exhausted that night to start work on the landscaping, but made a vow to be up early the next day to finish what we had started.  I was so engulfed in my own grief that it never dawned on me that the Man would want to help, and I was genuinely surprised that he was beside me, with a cup of coffee in one hand, and a rake in the other.  Thankfully, we had the tractor to help gently place the stone that we had picked, prominently marking the spot where he lay.  Before we started planting the rhododendrons and hostas that we had bought, we let Gracie and Dewey out to join us, more for my comfort than their want.  Instead of going off to play or do whatever it is that dogs do when they are free to roam, they never left our sides.  Dewey was more than eager to help dig holes for the plants, and then again”helped” me spread the mulch as the Man brought it over with the tractor.  Gracie sat a few feet away, intently watching and supervising.  Whereas the day before had been a blur of last visits from friends, with both laughter and tears, this day was for the four of us.  Throughout the project we cried, we laughed at Dewey as he helped, sat with Gracie and shared quiet moments, and when it was finished, we stood together and cried again.  The two dogs ran and played, and it filled our hearts with joy to see.  When they finally tired, Dewey claimed a spot under a nearby bush as his new den, and Gracie was back by our side.  And as a family, we had peace.  What I had set out to do alone, with my grief, we had done as a family, and we mourned together.  Earlier tonight, we again gathered out on the lawn near his spot, and played as a family.  And as I have for the last 11 years, I felt Kody’s presence…and I knew he was smiling…